i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Randomize
