Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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