Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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