i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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