How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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