When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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