my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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