Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it was like eating out sand paper
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
