Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
