A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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