I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
