Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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