my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
50% drunk capacity currently
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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