Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
