I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
