oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
