That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
