She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
