made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
