Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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