were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
