worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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