I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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