Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
