Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
