tell your sister to shave her snatch
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
