well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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