guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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