hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
