my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
