In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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