Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
