if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
