Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
