My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
