i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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