I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
