Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
