Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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