You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
