I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
