i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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