I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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