he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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