I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
