I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
