Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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