you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
