It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
