Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
