Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
