I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
