I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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