fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
