its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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