my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
