cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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