I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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