Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
